I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
