She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
