Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Who died my cat blue again?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
