I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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