did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
