Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
