I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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