lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
