im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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