I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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