I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
