can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
