The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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