we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
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