I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my phone needs a breathalizer
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
