the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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