I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
