I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize