Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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