I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you would pick up someone in the library
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize