New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
