Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
