i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
