great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
