When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
