Got a toothbrush?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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