I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
