Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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