My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's official drugs can't kill me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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