he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
