Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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