Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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