i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sext me about skeletons
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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