my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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