theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
