Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
that may or may not have been my penis.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
