hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
