The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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