i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize