You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
