Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When did angry sex become our thing?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize