Just cropdusted the office
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
