hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's official drugs can't kill me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
