Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This is classic penis vs brain.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
