I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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