I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Vodka?
Forever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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