Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
