I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
