my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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