I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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