Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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