You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
