He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
