the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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