i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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