GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
