yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
