I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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