She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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