So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i would punch a child for taco bell
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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