do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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