i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
