This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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