He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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