That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize