He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize