I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
