I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
