I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
