Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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