I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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