If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
